and im back in the same spot again, wishing i had enough courage to ask you if youre okay and wishing things could change
and i wonder if i ever wont wish we had something more and that i had talked to you that one day you decided i was too much for you and would have understood what i did to make you hate me
and you looked me in the eye today,
just for a split second, nothing more
and in that split second hope coursed through my body,
that we could be fixed
but it hit me that some miscommunication hit us and that is what caused us to be unable to look each other in the eye anymore,
and i wish,
for one day,
if we could speak what would you say?
and im sitting in my bedroom, numbly laying on the floor
when the thought of you hits and i cant take it anymore
its kinda weird knowing i no longer have bpd. like yeet, still got other bs randomness going on in my head but like. now atleast im not a manipulative asshole who just wants validation and ruins stuff bc im a clingy ass bitch and why the fuck not
i just want to fix what im saying,,, not all bpd people exhibit these symptoms and ways of i guess exhibiting this disorder???? i guess that’s how i see myself and all in the context of bpd and me???
IF YOURE EGYPTIAN AND LGBTQ+ GET OFF ANY QUEER DATING SITES, THE POLICE ARE TRACKING AND HUNTING PEOPLE DOWN AGAIN. DELETE YOUR ACCOUNTS.
I DON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE ONLY ONE FOLLOWER PLEASE EVERYONE REBLOG THIS!!!
THIS POST IS SCEDULED TO GO UP ONCE AN HOUR ON THIS BLOG UNTIL 24 HOURS SINCE THE FIRST POST BECAUSE IT’S THAT IMPORTANT THAT EVERYONE SEES IT!
the fact that’s this had to be made in the first place makes me so incredibly sad @ all the LGBTQIA+ people being affected by this, i hope you are safe and that the world becomes just a little more humane so we don’t have to deal with these hate crimes, hopefully those who could potentially be harmed by this see it!!!!
and ya know im still so ironic and enjoys weird humor that makes no sense in real life but at the same time?????im so sad and anxious and jittery someone explain this
and the saddest part of this whole thing is im not one of those cliche person stuck in depression who feels happy and sad at different times, i just spend my whole life walking through everything feeling nothing
and ive been given so many medicine over the years,
to fix the pain in my head, the ache in my heart
and somehow, the only one that stuck and healed me was you but I don’t have you anymore and i don’t know how to feel about that, and how to feel about you
and the sad part is this is my reality. posting about my depressing ass thoughts online because im so paranoid if i put them anywhere else my parents will find them. still loving someone who walked out of life, didn’t tell me why, but apparently felt the same way about me. it’s spending hours meticulously planning ways to die and god, im so exhausted. because even after months and years of hospitals and therapy i still want to die, and im still this depressed asshole who cares too much and feels too little
oh, i was thinking about killing myself don’t you mind
i just want closure
some closure so that whenever you do cross my mind i dont feel like what i did to you means i deserve death
and whenever i write notes to leave behind if i succeed in attempting, i always come back to you and its this goddamn full circle again and again and again that always comes back to you.
and i hate that i rely on one person so goddamn much like why the fuck cant i forget we ever happened and why am i so stuck on things that happened last year
